Sara - first post and other rubbish

If you read my mother's previous post, then you'll have started forming your mental image of me. I'd like to try and complete that picture, but I think my personality should come out pretty loud and clear over the course of my entries in this blog. If you're expecting constant entertainment, you should probably look elsewhere (my mother and I share a special brand of humour that isn't universally shared or often even acknowledged). What you will find, I suppose, is a journey. When my mother suggested that we share a blog as we make our way through this little adventure (I'm guessing she'll elaborate further), I was pretty eager. Writing tends to be quite therapeutic for me, and in the past few months, I've really needed an outlet. Mum - who has been absolutely incredible through all the ups and downs we've faced so far - and I have always been close, and she's even better at the internet than I am (her Twitter skills intimidate me), so I figured this would be a great opportunity to get out all of the things I haven't had the proper forum to do so with before.


I should say outright that my style of blogging is a little different from my mother's, to say the least, so you're in for a bit of a wild (and experimental) ride. When I'm writing informally, I'm easily identified through my abuse of parentheses, anecdotal style (if you ever get trapped in a real life conversation with me, you're likely to hear one of my many strange and largely useless anecdotes), lack of adherence to correct sentence structure or grammatical law, and inability to emotionally separate myself from what I'm doing. Basically, if I'm angry, you'll know it; If I'm hungry or tired - which I very frequently tend to be -, I probably won't make much sense (apologies in advance). My filter is also currently undergoing repairs, so I do have the tendency to overshare - especially prominent when dealing with something like inflammatory bowel disease -, as well as the complete and utter inability to be concise - to the disdain of every English teacher I have ever had.


This blog has been on the back burner for quite a while now, but naturally, we haven't really discussed content. Mum seems to have the backstory covered; I suppose I'll talk a bit about where I am now.


The past few weeks have been even more crazy than those that preceded them. Well...sort of. If you leave out the ER visit. Between then and what was just more than a week ago, it was sort of an aimless routine of drug taking and specialist visits - with a specialist who commented on my stretch marks and made me feel insecure about my weight, exactly what you want on your plate when you're busy dealing with the fact that your body can't process food properly. There was a brief period of craziness - multiple doctor visits, a CT scan and admission into an IBD clinic at the Children's Hospital all in quick succession - that brought me to my current situation, which is a happy one, if not a particularly pleasant one.


If you've ever spoken to me, met me, even just encountered me on the internet, you'll know that food is a huge part of my life. I'm not crazy unhealthy, but I am a bit of a foodie - amongst diet phases and Weight Watchers programs, my parents managed to instill in me a shared appreciation of good food (and the need to eat things quickly). So when I was told that I'd be doing eight weeks without food (and most drinks), getting my calorie intake from a hospital-provided milk-esque drink, supplemented only by water, Nesquik and chewing gum, I  wasn't really prepared. But everything was moving so quickly...so next thing we knew, that was what I was doing.


It's only my fifth day on the diet. I don't think I realised how hard it was going to be - so much of my life, just in a social context, revolves around eating. Going out for dinner, sharing popcorn at a movie, big friday night meals at my grandmother's house, lunchtime at school, hot chocolate with a coworker before we open shop...it's more strange, than anything. I'm not really hungry, I suppose, but I'm craving flavours. There are only so many kinds of gum in the world, but until someone makes hot chip or spaghetti bolognaise flavoured chewing gum, there's this big gap in my intake under the heading "savoury". 


Of course, as is routine with me, it's coincided with my health doing some pretty weird things. The exhaustion hasn't really lifted, but the nausea has increased - especially with all the liquid intake. The pain...well, it seems less frequent, but worse in terms of severity. It's more than a little inconvenient. Then there are the headaches, which probably aren't related, but I've been regularly getting light-headed and dizzy. And joint pain - particularly my knees, wrists and knuckles. I hate to feel like I'm complaining, but I try not to in person - why not in print?


I know it will be for the best in the long run, sure, but for the moment, I'm not going to deny that I'm really struggling here. Especially with all the other stuff on top of it. Yeah. It's not great.


But god bless banana Nesquik, seriously.


- Sara